This is How I Disappear
by Mr. Monty
Summary: He can feel the walls closing in. Sometimes he doesn't even struggle. R!KevEdd belongs to Asphyxion!
1. Sorrow

**_Chapter One:_**

 ** _Sorrow_**

It was raining outside again.

Edd loved the rain. Each patter of the rain drops on the windowsill soothed his soul as he stared into the grey of the outside. Today he was wearing a black leather jacket with a singular white stripe running down each arm, a grey muscle shirt underneath, his dog tags around his neck, tight black jeans that showed off his muscular legs, black converse shoes with the atom symbol on the bottoms and his typical black, white striped beanie. The teacher was going on about something, but he never listened anymore since he knew pretty much everything the teacher's spewed out of their lips. It annoyed him;the lack of challenge everything had presented to him as of late. He had even taken up the swim team out of boredom and had become the team captain in less than a week, something people still brought up like it was an accomplishment.

Feeling his eyelids getting heavier as the minutes went by, Edd cupped his dog tags and looked down at them. It didn't do much to relieve his boredom, but it was a good distraction as his eyes went over the letters on each one, M and F. With a sigh, he slid them back into his shirt and looked back out the window. He found himself lost in his thoughts again until the bell screamed for everyone to leave class. The walk to his locker was as thrilling as ever with people pestering him about things he couldn't care less about. The only people he talked with anymore was either Jonny, Jimmy, Marie or...a person he really didn't want to think about right.

"Hey, Edd!" yelled someone from father down the hall. Edd didn't even need to turn around to know who it was.

"Nathan, if this is about me playing football then you might as well walk away" Edd said, quickly exchanging his books for his next class and slammed his locker shut for punctuation. The teal haired teen shrunk back, but didn't flee.

"What? No, I just wanted to tell you that...he wants to see you after school."

Edd stared at his shut locker for a moment before turning around.

"I wasn't aware people could order me when I could or could not see him." He said, stomping toward the now scared looking minnow.

"Sorry, I just wanted you to know!" He recoiled back in horror and ran away as quick as his little legs would carry him. Edd sighed wearily and started walking to his next class. The rest of the day went by like a blur, as all he could focus on was his meeting with his pumpkin. It had been weeks since they had seen each other, and he had been falling apart ever since they had went on a break. Of course he didn't show it, he couldn't risk his reputation with something as silly as this. It was the last class of the day and he was busy doing some Calculus work, then when he was finished he started to doodle on the back of his paper. Despite his attempts not to, he could not stop himself from drawing a cutesy pumpkin with several holes in its cheeks and an adorable hat atop it. A small smile made it's way on his face, but he snuffed it out quick enough so no one would see.

The loud scream of the bell sounded and he quickly made his way out of the school, ignoring every call for his attention and cry for recognition. As he headed for their secret spot in the woods near the school, Edd could not help but feel something was wrong. Then again, he almost always felt like that, but he never felt this way about his pumpkin. A few more minutes of walking later and he reached the tallest tree in Peach Creek, good old Randy everyone called him. Probably named after some old idiot who Edd couldn't care less about.

There he was, standing underneath the towering tree like he was posing for an angsty album cover. He was wearing a green sweater with yellow stripes going horizontal on his belly, black shorts and a pair of slip on red sneakers. He kept his head down and leaned against the tree a few feet away, awaiting the freckled boy to make the first move.

"Hey." Kevin said slowly, almost as if it was foreign to him.

"Greetings, pumpkin."

Kevin stayed quiet, waiting for him to say anything else but groaned when he didn't and walked a few feet away.

"Look, I just wanted to let you know Nazz and I are through." He then looked over his shoulder "Is that what you wanted to hear?"

Edd didn't reply at first. Is that what he wanted to hear? Well, of course it was. He had been dangling off the edge of his sanity just being away from his pumpkin for a few weeks and damn him if he was going to let his forbidden fruit slip through his fingers. He approached the boy and placed his hands on his shoulders, making Kevin gasp.

"Of course, pumpkin." He started to slowly massage the boy's tense shoulders "I've been waiting so long to hear that."

Kevin pulled away and looked at him in disgust "Sure you have, since you set this up in the first place." He said, narrowing his eyes "Nazz just so happened to get a confession letter from Marie, and Marie somehow didn't know about it when I asked. Sound's off, don't it?"

Edd stayed silent, not flinching from the accusation. Kevin didn't let up.

"Not going to object?" He threw his hands up and groaned loudly "Why can't you just let me be happy with someone else? Why do you have to sabotage every fucking relationship I get into?" Once again, Edd remained silent.

 _Everybody, put up your hands_

 _Say "I don't wanna be in love_

 _I don't wanna be in love"_

Kevin waited for a moment and rolled his eyes at the silence "Of course, why the hell do I even bother?" He turned to walk away in exasperation, but was forcibly stopped by a rough hand on his shoulder which spun him around to introduce him to Edd's incoming fist. The jolt of pain in his cheek and the surprise of the attack made him fall on the ground, letting out a yelp when he hit the ground. Before he could counter, however, he found himself picked up by the collar and raised to eye level with a teary eyed Edd.

"How dare you accuse me of such things!" The normally composed boy gritted his teeth and raised his fist again, his tears blurring his vision. Kevin struggled and kicked, but knew he could not escape the athlete's iron grip. Moments passed as Edd's fist refused to move, his brain afire with conflicting thoughts. His grip got shakier by the second until he eventually dropped the object of his desires on the ground.

Neither spoke for what felt like hours.

 _Feel the beat now, if you've got nothing left_

 _Say "I don't wanna be in love_

 _I don't wanna be in love"_

Edd tightened his fist and ran off deeper into the forest, his tears leaving a sparkling trail of sadness behind him.

"Kevin!" A familiar voice yelled, coming out of the brush nearby. The teal haired jock offered his hand, but Kevin waved it off, getting up with minimal difficulty himself "What the hell happened?" Nat asked, seeing the cut on the freckled geek's lip.

"Why the hell are you here, Nat?" Nat's eyes narrowed when his question was avoided, but he answered regardless.

"I knew some shit was probably going to go down, so I was going to follow Edd until I got stopped by Mr. Cathro about some fucking science homework. I didn't catch up until I seen him lift you up like that." Kevin crossed his arms and looked unimpressed.

"Thanks for the jumping in Nat, glad to know I can count on you." Nat simply rolled his own eyes.

"Whatever, but you should go after him. Like, right now!"

"Why the hell would I do that?! He ruined my relationship with Nazz and punched me in the fucking face!"

"Dude, it literally only lasted about three weeks! Edd loves you, I know he does!"

Kevin felt the urge to argue back, but bit his tongue. He could go on and on about how stupid Nat's reasoning's were and how'd he'd rather kiss a lobster than talk with Edd again. But he was right. Deep beneath his anger over his destroyed relationship, he knew he still loved Edd. Now that he thought about it, maybe Nat was also right about Nazz. He knew she loved Marie and it was only a matter of time until something drew them together, maybe Edd saw that too? Kevin sighed deeply.

"You're right Nat." Nat looked at him with a raised eyebrow "As always."

"That's better, now go tame that sexy beast."

With a nod, he took off into the sunset glazed forest. His head was abuzz with so many thoughts that he could barely keep up with the one he wanted to focus on, which was questioning his sanity. What was driving him to chase after the person who made his life a living hell and ruined almost everything for him? That question was answered by another thought. Why wouldn't he?

 _Back it up now, you've got a reason to live_

 _Say: "I don't wanna be in love_

 _I don't wanna be in love"_

It didn't take him long to find the handsome boy, who was facing away from him while leaning against one of the many trees with his face shielded by his arms. Kevin was hesitant to get any closer, he knew how easily he could trigger Edd's wrath in the state he was in right now. Regardless of his fear, he took a deep breath and crept closer toward the bad boy. As he drew nearer, he could swear he heard the muffled sounds of crying coming from Edd. Swallowing the rest of his nervousness, he stuck his chest out and got right behind him.

"Edd?" Kevin said cautiously as he reached his hand out.

"You were right." Edd said, his voice harboring sadness and misery "I've done nothing but drive your life further into the arms of misfortune." He slightly looked back at the confused green sweater wearing boy "I would not blame you if you never wanted to see me again."

Kevin sank his head and felt the pang of sadness in his throat. He pushed it back down and put on an air of confidence.

"Look Edd, a part of me may still be mad at you for what you did," Edd almost jumped when he felt the shorter teen's arms wrap around his abs and his head bury into his back "But every other part of me can't get over you."

Edd's eyes welled up more and he quickly turned around, returning Kevin's embrace.

"You have no idea what mess you're getting back into." Edd whispered into the hat wearing geek's ear. Kevin laughed and sniffled.

"Well, I can't be an A plus student in everything." They shared a smile together and tightened their embrace. The walk home was rather awkward at first, but the mood eventually settled nicely as the two started to hold hands. Unbeknownst to them, they had two pairs of eyes observing them from some nearby shrubbery.

"Oh fuck yes, I told you they'd get back together! You owe me five bucks!" Nat said, a cocky smirk on his face. The black haired girl next to him punched him in the shoulder "Ow, what was that for Alice?"

"I didn't bet on anything, I knew it the entire time you dick!" She crossed her arms and stuck her tongue out at the boy "Still, it's so fucking cute seeing them together!"

"Let's just hope they stay that way this time." Nat said with a smile, watching the couple vanish over the hill toward Edd's house.

 _You got nothing to lose_  
 _Don't be afraid to get down_

* * *

 **A.N: Lyrics belong to Good Charlotte!**


	2. Pain

**Welcome to the next chapter! I hope you enjoy!  
**

 _ **Chapter Two:**_

 _ **Pain**_

Jonny 2X4 felt tired this morning, even more than usual. He had been up almost all night mulling over a question he had asked himself yesterday evening in math class. It wasn't anything philosophical, per see, but it was something that would not stop pestering him.

Was he bland?

Of course not, he told himself at first, he was a human being; he had multiple facets to his personality and he had many interest outside of his school life. Ever since he had met Edd he had taken up many new things, like lifting weights and boxing for instance, so he could be a better bodyguard for his friend. Thanks to that, he had gotten a lot stronger and had become much more confident than before. But every time he brought up these points, his brain shoved more proof to the contrary in his face. For instance, what were his interest? Besides weight lifting and boxing, he really couldn't think of anything. What were his key personality traits? Well, people told him he was angry a lot, if that counted and he was condescending to anyone who opposed Edd. And the questions just kept coming. Maybe he could talk with someone about it?

"Greetings, Jonny." The bald boy almost jumped out of skin when he heard his dandy friend's voice, turning to see him walking next to him.

"Jimmy? When the heck did you get here?"

"Just now." He said, staring longingly at a mirror "I noticed how solemn you looked and wanted to ask what was wrong." He said, running a comb through his curly hair. Jonny looked around, confused.

"Well, are you gonna ask?"

"I said I wanted to ask, I don't care about it now. I mean, just _look_ at this hair!" Jonny sighed and ran his fingers through his buzz cut head.

"Jimmy, do you ever feel, I don't know, flat?"

"Whatever do you mean by that?" He asked, seemingly offended at the mere thought.

"Well, do you ever feel bland? Like nothin' sticks out about you other than a single quirk and people just look over ya because of it?" The fashion obsessed boy almost began foaming at the mouth.

"Jonny, are you insinuating that people look over my devilish good looks and ignore my amazing fashion sense?" Jonny took a step back and raised his hands.

"No! I'm just wondering, that's all!" At this, Jimmy reeled in his anger and took a deep breath, adjusting his very fluffy collar. Today the boy was wearing a dark red faux leather jacket, a black poet shirt underneath, tight black jeans and black dress shoes.

"In response to your ignorant question, no. I have never felt like a one note person, nor will I ever be one." He then saw Jonny's attire and gasped "Jonny, why aren't you wearing your tight black jeans!"

"What jeans?" Jimmy stopped him with his palm and almost tore the bald boy's cargo pants off with his panicked grip.

"Tight black jeans! The same jeans Edward told us to wear at all times! The same jeans he said made us look more dignified and intimidating! Those jeans!" Jonny ran his palm down his face and groaned.

"Oh yeah. Sorry Jimmy, I had a rough night last night and I-"

"No, do not speak to me! I will not associate with those would defy the words of someone as great as Edward Marion Stuart!" Jimmy took off, rose petals seeming to follow his every step as the girls further ahead basked in his beauty and ran to catch up with him. For a moment, Jonny just stood there, his mind stuck on the one hundred meter dash while his surroundings had moved on to the snowboarding league.

"Weird." Was all he said, it was all he could say at that amazing display of weirdness. After making sure his pants were unharmed, he continued down the street, noticing an unfamiliar girl ahead of him who hadn't chased after the pretty boy of Peach Creek. Finding this odd, and yearning for company, he caught up with her.

"Hello, Jonny 2X4." The black haired girl said, looking over at him from the corner of her eye with a smile.

"Uh, hiya." The bald boy said, his previously prepared awkward greeting dying in his throat. "How do you know my name?" Her smile grew wider and she winked at him.

"Like I wouldn't know the big and buff bodyguard of the hottest guy in school?" she sighed dreamily, her mind going somewhere Jonny really didn't want to know. One awkward cough later and he stirred her from her dreamland.

"So, what's your name?"

"Alice Peterson. I just moved here a few weeks back." Jonny nodded.

"Yeah, I think I remember hearing about that from Jimmy." He then put his hands in his pockets "Where ya from?"

"New Jersey." There was a long pause "I know, I'm disappointed too." They both laughed and continued to make small talk until they reached the school. For a while, Jonny had completely forgotten about his previous problem, that is until Alice told him something that tossed a match back onto the gasoline covered ash pile.

"You're a lot nicer than what I've heard, honestly." She said with a giggle "Why do people say your such a bad guy?"

"Let's just say I've given them some ammo here and there." He laughed awkwardly, avoiding eye contact.

"Aw, don't say that. You're a nice guy and I'm sure others will see it too." She said, smiling up at him. Jonny could feel his face heating up a bit as he kept his eyes on the concrete "Just have to get past that shyness and big burly exterior and you'll be the talk of the school."

"Doubt it, but thanks." He said, finally meeting her eyes again with a smile. It was weird, he suddenly felt all warm inside when she said that. In fact, when he looked back into her crystal blue eyes, he almost fainted at his sudden realization of how beautiful she really was. Her long black hair matched perfectly with her caramel colored skin. Her outfit only made her stand out more: a black sweater, blue jeans and white, red striped sneakers. The loud bell that sounded the beginning of first period pierced their ear drums and she jumped in shock.

"Oh crap, I'm going to be late. Talk to you later, Jonny!"

He watched her run into the school, waving back at her with a smile. Then that smile faltered when his mind began to clear up, making him rub his eyes for a moment. Weird, why did his legs feel so weak? And why was his head so hazy? He stood there for another minute, staring at the school entrance. Could it have been Alice? Was he...? Not getting an answer from himself, Jonny 2X4 shrugged and went to his class, his brain going back to his previous thoughts of inadequacy. It was soon subdued by the realization that he had forgotten his science homework.

* * *

Edward was feeling miserable. Despite rekindling his relationship with the love of his life, the emptiness in his chest would not leave. He thought that the pain would at least be numbed, but such a pleasure seemed to be out of his reach. He felt the arm around his waist tighten.

"What's wrong, Edd?" His pumpkin asked, looking up at him.

"Don't ask, it's not your business." He stated, threateningly. He kept his eyes ahead, looking for his second class which he conveniently shared with Kevin. They were running really late, but they didn't care about anything as long as they had each other.

"Oh, alright." Kevin said, looking down at the ground sadly. Suddenly, a whimper rung in his ear and he looked up, seeing a crying Edd.

"I'm sorry, I just have a lot on my mind." He choked out, tears rolling down his face, like crystal clear streams cutting through the most beautiful prairie. A soft hand touched his face, guiding him toward the soft lips of his love. The freckled geek pulled away, looking deep into the shark's eyes.

"Go on, tell me." The predator turned away, his beanie hiding his eyes as he contemplated his troubles.

"No, you wouldn't understand."

Kevin was about to press the issue before the second bell rang, signaling the end of first period. In that instant, Edd shoved Kevin into the nearby lockers. Before he could recover from the fall, he found himself being kicked in the stomach repeatedly by Edd as people dispersed from their classrooms. His cries of pain were either barely acknowledged or ignored by the growing crowd of passerby's. Except for those who had phones that is.

"Yo check it out, Edd's beating the shit out of some dork!" yelled a male student, eagerly trying to get at the best angle to film the action. Kevin's mouth tasted like copper at this point as the kicks seemed to grow in strength every time they connected.

"Back off, Edd!" yelled a voice Kevin recognized. Nazz! Edd turned around and seen a short blonde girl splitting the crowd of people as she ran toward the downed boy, pushing the taller boy out of the way to tend to his injuries "You dick, why the hell did you do that?!"

"This doesn't concern you, bitch." He said, raising his hand in preparation for a smack, but before he could act on it he was socked in the face by her, making him stumble back a few feet.

"Holy shit, she punched him!"

"Damn, she's going to get stomped! No one punches Edd and gets away with it!"

Oh how right those insects were. Edd's face could not be any redder as he cracked his knuckles at the girl, who barely flinched at the loud pop they made. He took a step and she stood her ground. He took another and nothing changed. When he was right in her face, she met his glare with an equal amount of hatred. Edd's eyes then darted to Kevin, who's eyes only contained fear and confusion. His face slowly began to relax and his fist began to shake, whether from rage or guilt he could not tell.

Before Edd could either conduct his symphony of fist or regret his actions, a loud scream sounded from down the hall, which was quickly followed by a few more. Everyone went silent as a few students broke through the crowd of people, their faces drained of color.

"Run everyone! You Know Who has returned from suspension!" a collective gasp from the crowd lead to a panic as students began to run to their classes. Soon enough, everyone but Nazz, Edd, Kevin and a passing Jonny remained in the hall.

"Well well well, what do we have here?"

Upon hearing that familiar high pitched scratchy voice, Kevin and Nazz's eyes widened and they embraced, shaking in their shoes. Edd turned around, his fury reawakening as he raised his fist in preparation for the threat. Jonny, meanwhile, just stood there confused.

"We got the preppy bitch, the geek faggot, the emo faggot and baldy no friends." Just then, the menace of Peach Creek High finally stepped out of the shadows. His three hairs had long since been replaced by black spiky hair. He was wearing a black leather jacket, a yellow undershirt and loose blue jeans with red sneakers. They noticed his egotistical smirk before they saw anything else.

"Eddy?" Jonny scratched his head, comparing the somewhat taller teen in front of him to the short schemer he once knew "What happened to you?"

His question was ignored and Edd stepped forward, glaring at the shortest boy in school.

"What the hell are you doing back here? I thought I made it clear that you never come back." Eddy looked at his nails, a look of utter boredom on his face.

"They don't call me the slickest of the slick for nothing, do they Double D?" he waved his hand and produced what looked to be an ID card seemingly from nowhere. He looked it over for a moment and snickered "Damn Nazz, you had a hell of a zit that day, huh?"

Nazz gasped and checked her pockets, finding her drivers permit gone.

"Shut the hell up, you jerk!" Nazz yelled, trying to wrestle her way out of Kevin's grip. Eddy held his hands up and looked offended.

"Oh, well excuse me for pointing out a flaw in the perfect girl." He brushed a finger down his cheek while putting on an exaggerated sad face. He then stuck his hands in his pockets as turned around "Shame, I used to think you were pretty hot. But since you turned into a bitch, you're going to be a victim in my master plan."

"Master plan? What are you talking about?" asked Jonny, who was still confused as to what just happened. Eddy's trademark smirk tore his face and he spun around, arms wide open.

"My plan to destroy this school of course! And rid it of you faggots forever!" His psychotic cackling afterwards echoed throughout the halls, making those who were not already in their classes retreat to the nearest bathroom for a much needed pipe cleaning. Edd remained unscathed by these threats, however, and he took a step forward. Before he could speak, he was interrupted by a voice he didn't recognize.

"Yeah right, you little dork!" Upon hearing the voice, Jonny turned around and watered his seed of befuddlement even more upon seeing the source.

"Alice?" He asked, seeing the girl strutting down the other end of the hallway. Eddy raised his eyebrow and whistled when he saw the new girl.

"Damn, so this is the new girl I've heard so much about." He flexed his eyebrows at her "Hows about you and me go somewhere private after I school these fags?" Alice cringed at his offer and put her hands on her hips.

"Really? You think I would have sex with someone as immature as you?" she laughed "I'd rather kiss Victor than do anything with you."

"What? No, I didn't mean sex. I meant us going somewhere on date or something-"

"Just leave Eddy, or Edd and I will make you leave." Alice said, cracking her knuckles as the tall, dark and handsome Edd joined her with a maniacal smile. Eddy stepped back and growled in frustration, looking for an escape route. He eventually turned around and saw a window a few feet away, sprinting toward it and pulling it open.

"I'll be back, you bitches! Don't think you've seen the last of me!" Eddy declared, shaking his fist and jumping out into the cool, evening air. A few seconds went by before Kevin and Nazz began to cheer, getting up to congratulate the duo who had scared away the terrible con artist.

"That was awesome, new girl!" Nazz said, hugging Alice to the point where she was gasping for air.

"Nazz. Can't. Breath." she managed to wheeze out. The blonde got the hint and released her, giggling nervously.

"Oopsie, sorry." Alice smiled at her and extended her hand, which Nazz took with an embarrassed smile.

"My name's Alice, by the way." she then turned to Edd, who was looking over a bruised and bleeding Kevin "And you're Edward Stuart." she said, sighing dreamily when the boy turned to face her with a frown.

"I didn't need your help back there." he said, turning away and stroking the cheek of his love while muttering something to him. Seeing this, Alice took a handkerchief out of her pocket and handed it to the sad looking bad boy.

"Here, this will help." Edd looked at the cloth for a moment and was about to reject this motion of pity, but for some reason he could not help but slowly reach for it when he looked into her eyes.

"Thanks." he said quietly, wiping the cuts on Kevin's face.

"You're welcome, Edd." she said, smiling down at the couple. Kevin returned the gesture, but Edd kept his head down. Tears were forming in the corner of his eyes, but he quickly blinked, dispersing them before anyone saw his vulnerability.

Jonny was still perplexed about what he had witnessed, the madness he had witnessed only adding more questions to his already vulnerable mind. These quickly went away, however, when Alice walked up to him and he found himself in the state he had been in only an hour ago: heat rising in his cheeks and his knees turning to jelly when he stared into her serene, icy blue eyes.

"Heya Jonny, that was some mess huh?" she looked out the window Eddy had escaped into "Too bad he escaped, he deserved a few licks for saying all that stuff." Jonny nodded, it was all he could do since his tongue was tied in a near inescapable knot. Thankfully, before he could groan out a reply, the bell sounded once again and the hall was soon filled with both eager and tired looking students.

After Edd, Kevin, Nazz and Alice flowed into the crowd of people, Jonny was left alone to ponder his many questions. The most prominent at the moment being: why did the bell ring only ten minutes into second period?

* * *

 **No song this time around :(. I hope enjoyed regardless!  
**


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